The Evolution of Friendship

When I was younger, my mother would always tell me that the older I get the less friends I would have.  I was 10 years old at the time and didn't quite understand that.  I am what you call a social butterfly (so I've been told haha) and I love the concept of friendship...it means a lot to me.  Since I was 10, I've always ran in packs lmao.  I was always apart of clicks, crews, the girls etc...and even at some point in my life, I felt my friends were my world...and then I graduated high school haha.  But when you're younger there are a lot more people with the your common denominator and as you get older, that common denominator gets smaller and smaller until one day you're like WTF haha. 

Once we hit our 20s, in my eyes, there two types of friendships...the nurturing and the non-nurturing.  The nurturing are the ones that we talk to almost everyday and rely on their opinions, suggestions and so forth.  The non-nurturing ones are the ones we can go months without talking to and as soon as we see them, you pick up where you left off.  Now the non-nurturing ones are the ones that usually out last the nurturers.  Ok so once you're in your late 20s, the common denominator starts getting smaller as each one of your friends get pregnant, married, career oriented, etc.  The pack goes from maybe say 10 to 9 to 5 and so forth.  They have evolved into the non-nurturers. 

So now in our 30s we're down to a few friends....at this point we're fully grown and we really get to know each other on a more mature adult level.  That's when you realize everyones true colors and that maybe a couple of them aren't who you thought they were.  You start distancing yourself and come to some sort of decision as to keep them as a non-nurturing friend or just to get rid of them all together. 

Now all while this is going on, you meet new friends here and there...at work, school, bar etc.  Do you ever notice that maybe those are the ones we keep in the wings.  The "just in case" or the "maybe if I wasn't so close to _____"  Because now at this point you're down to one nurturing friend...but no one ever thinks about what happens when THAT common denominator expires or runs out (and I'm not trying to sound mean) but it's true.  Is that when the new friends come in?  Does that mean the cycle starts all over again?  Or is this the time we find ourselves and focus on personal goals and new projects?

The Real ME

To be honest, I never really thought about blogging.  I have years of writing about my life experiences in journals but just never thought about writing online.  In the past year and a half I've put the journal writing on hold and I miss it tremendously.  Every year my life changes so much, that when I reflect on it I am amazed.  My journals know "the real me"...my friends just know what I allow them to know...and my family just think they know me haha.  So here I am giving you "the real me".

Let's start off with telling you that my favorite color is yellow...a lot of people don't know that.  It's a color I rarely wear and don't have too many items in it, but yet it represents sunshine, happiness, and optimism.  At the end of the day I feel like that's what I represent.  My heart is huge....meaning I forgive and forget, I bend backwards for people and I love to help and motivate. 

People I grew up with have these crazy perceptions about me....it seriously cracks me up.  One of them is that I only date men with money so they can pay my bills hahahahaha.  How can anybody think I don't pay my own bills?  I've been working since I was 15 and been addicting to work since then.  I can't imagine not being independent and just want someone to bring just as much as I'm bringing to the table. 

People perceive me has always having it together, and the funny part is I never knew that I did.  I'm trying to get it together now lol.  I am extremely an emotional person, I cry all the time, I put up a front a lot of the times because everyone sees me being an incredibly stong person.  I get depressed too...I'm only human haha and I even find myself asking "will I ever find happiness?" 

I can seriously go on and on...but I'll keep posting.  All in all this is just a little taste of getting to know me.