Single vs Married

If anyone knows me, they will know that I absolutely love to read.  I've been an avid reader my entire life...which leads me to tell you that I got invited to be in book club about 4 or 5 months more or less.  My very good friend from high school asked me to be in it which I happily accepted.  Now, everyone (including my girlfriend) are married with children, and most of the women are a bit older then me as well.  I am the only one in the group that is not married and do not have any children.  So when the subject comes up in book discussions regarding dance meets and practices and school starting I just sit there looking like an idiot haha. 

I can honestly say that it really doesn't bother me...but what bothers me the most is that I feel deep down that they judge me because of that.  (Now just for the record I'm excluding 2 women from this group my girlfriend included)...that's my disclaimer lol.  Now when I told this to my girlfriend she looked puzzled and asked "people judge you?"  Absolutely with a capital A.  I'm a 34 year woman that lives by myself and I don't have any children.  Yes I am in a relationship but considering that we're not cohabiting at the moment it looks as if I just frolic all over the place and can sleep with whomever.  People question my actions....wtf! Can't I just be a little particular?  Do i really have to fall into place as to what society is used to?  Can't I put a little more thought as to who I want my baby daddy to be?  Was I only put on this world to procreate, cook and clean? 

Ok...so back to the book club lol......every time we've met up I have felt an energy from certain women in the group and at this last meeting I wanted to scream...and I'll tell you why.  Now like I said everyone is married....I can't remember exactly what the subject was someone of course was pointing out that I'm single blah blah blah whatever (that's what i was thinking) so this is how the convo went...

my girlfriend: "no she has a boyfriend"

woman:  "oh but technically you're still single".....

ME: "um no I have a boyfriend"

woman:  "well you can still sleep with other people though"

ME: "um no I have a boyfriend and I respect my relationship...married people sleep around too" starts to laugh.

woman:  "well you wouldn't have to get a divorce and stuff"

ME: (giving her a "are you fucking serious" look )

So then the convo goes into flatulence (don't ask me why lol) . everyone is talking and at this point because the subject is disgusting I'm quiet.  

My girlfriend nudges me and says:  "what are your thoughts?"

ME:  "I think it's disgusting and I would never do it in front of my family or boyfriend or anyone"

woman:  "oh that's because you're not married"

ME:  "what does marriage have to do with it?...it's disgusting...period" then giving that (are you fucking serious?) look again lol

Keep in mind that I can go all day and night with these certain convos that fucking irritate me haha.  

Later that night when I dropped off my girlfriend she asked if maybe I was just being a bit over-sensitive that particular moment earlier in the evening.  To be honest, I really couldn't say...maybe I was just fed up.  At the end of the day it's just another pet peeve of mine that can go on a list.  What happens when one day i do get married?  then what will people talk about then?  Do people just find stuff to talk about when there is one person in the mix that's different? 

Insecurity

One of my biggest pet peeves are insecure men.  They feel as if they are not good enough and women have to feel the wrath.  It drives me crazy to the up most fullest!!!  Checking cell phones, and god forbid if you don't pick up the phone if you don't answer.  Wanting to know your every move,  not allowed to hang out friends and/or family, unable to go to functions, and if you were to do any of those things it's a fight.  Your relationship becomes you trying to prove every minute of the day that you're not doing dirt.  It seriously gets exhausting and then you forget why you even fell in love in the first place.  You get treated as a child and it becomes an ongoing battle until somebody becomes the bigger person and calls it quits.  How am I supposed to trust you if you don't even trust me? 

What about the women that allow it to go on and on and on?  Unfortunately I would have to put myself in that category because I have fallen victim to it.  At some point in your life have you?  You ask yourself...what the hell was I thinking? Why didn't I see these signs earlier?  I'll tell you why, it's because that initial meet are like fireworks.  You fall in love with the so-called 'representative' of that person hahaha.  Then when it's safe for the 'representative' to leave, the truth comes out.  Or maybe one person outgrows the other person leaving the guy unsure and confused therefore becoming insecure.  

Just thought I expressed some pent up irritations.  Not in the greatest mood today I guess.